Saturday, January 25, 2014

THE FEARS OF A SOLO TRAVELER WANNABE

photo credits to rightful owner. 

At the start of this year, i made a decision. 
I made the decision to have the experience of being a solo traveler at least once in my life. Basically, i wanted to explore some part of the world that i had not been to by myself. 

The whole experience would be good for me to learn how to be independent and make new friends along the way and try things that i didn't do before. The more i thought about it, the more excited i got. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to go where you want, do what you want without the boundaries of others' schedules and preferences. And so in my head i started planning, where should i go, what should i do and how should i start. 

I've read through tons of articles on starting out as a lone female travelling the world and most of them speak about the fear of disastrous things happening in a foreign country. The fear of getting robbed, being lost and generally experiencing bad stuff to themselves while alone in a strange country.But while that fear is a big cause for concern in my mind, no one ever told me that there was another fear i had to prepare myself for. 

And that was the fear of telling my parents.

My parents are pretty cool and open-minded but they are also traditional in some ways. So when i decided to ask for my parents' permission to go on a solo trip, i was quite nervous about it. As much as i would like to just do it,  i knew that my parents had to be on board with the idea before i could really pack up and go. Personally i'm very headstrong and once I've made up my mind to do something, nothing could really stop me from doing it. But over the years, that rebellious kid in me is gone and i've learned to respect my parents and their opinions so naturally when i came to the decision to do something quite life-changing as this, i wanted to ask for their permission. 

Days before telling them, i pondered over this decision and replayed scenarios in my head. I wasn't sure how my dad would take it but i knew for sure my mum would be dead set against this idea.
 Sometimes they surprise me, most times they don't. 
And so yesterday, i finally mustered the courage to ask them and it was exactly as i expected.

My dad kept quiet. 
And my mum said "No".

My short stature and my gender played a part but most of all, the thought of i being alone in a foreign country scares my mum to death. She says i can go with friends but i can't go alone. And insists that we're not like Caucasians, who try to make their kids independent by asking them to move out at the age of 18. 

We argued. I'm not one to give up without a fight.

"I want the experience, the opportunity to be independent" i said

She tells me i'm being selfish and should think about how as parents, they will worry for me.

I fight back by saying that as parents, they'll never stop worrying about me. 

She counters with "If anything happens here, we can get to you. If you have friends, they can help you.
 But if you're alone, who will help you?"

I replied
 "You've been great parents, you taught me how to differentiate between right and wrong, you've brought me up to be independent and mature and now, you have to let me go and trust that i will make the right decisions on my own. That's the whole point of my wanting to travel alone, so i can depend on myself and only myself." 


At the end of the much heated discussion, we came to a compromise. While my mum is still not totally open to the idea of me going alone, she has mentioned that she's not fully against it anymore and that her mindset might change in time to come. 

Guess we'll just have to play the waiting game but i'm hoping the odds will turn out in my favor.

Till then,
Melissa

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

365GRATEFUL, DAY 11 to 20











365 days, one day at a time.

To see my entire 365 journey so far, click here

Till then,
Melissa

Sunday, January 19, 2014

MY TEDDY BEAR AND ME







We sit at the door to feel the wind blowing in our face and watch as the sun sets.

And growl at people walking past our house cause we're territorial like that.

So even if i dont have a talking teddy bear like Ted.

Having a barking teddy dog with me is not that bad.

Till then,
Melissa

Friday, January 17, 2014

SPENDING TIME TOGETHER AND APART


As a couple, Tim and i enjoy spending time with each other shopping, travelling or just relaxing at home. 
But as a person, Tim and i are nothing alike. 

I like to think that i'm an extrovert, easy-going person. I am spontaneous, impulsive, don't think before i speak and most times, irresponsible. I am also stubborn, quick-tempered and can be extremely sarcastic when i want to. Now if i were to describe Tim based on how i know him, i would say that he's meticulous, needs time to warm up to somebody, hates last minute plans, thinks before he speaks, plans everything carefully and is very responsible. He is also stubborn and does not like to be forced to do anything he doesn't want to. 

Hobbies wise, Tim is a huge movie buff, the kind that needs to see a movie at least once a week. Me? Not so much, if i remember about it then i'll try to download it on torrent otherwise, no big deal. He likes dull manochrome (i call it manochrome cause most guys like monochrome shades) colours while i gravitate towards anything loud, whimsical and bright. He likes steak, i don't really like meat and so on...

Despite all our differences, we genuinely enjoy our time together (ABC Dating and all), but at the same time we also try to encourage each other to spend alone time with our respective friends. The friends that can accept and share our individual personalities. Tim has his own group of buddies that he plays ball with, plans midnight birthday surprises and watch chinese movies that i have no interest in  and i have my friends that scream and hug when we see each other or jokingly put me down for my height (Chubbs, thats you). 

It's also been really thankful that Tim and i have a mutual group of friends that we can spend our alone time and together time with. Hello Sexy Sixsome! So over dinner, we'll catch up on our lives and then in the toilet, the girls will gossip and the guys will wait outside and chitchat.

The perfect arrangement. 

So yes, i feel that having alone time apart for each other is good for us, as long as we do it in healthy doses, and i don't try to take that away from him. Trust me when i say not every girl who says to a guy "Sure, i don't mind you spending time with your friends..." wants it to be translated as "If you go... this is over" + evil stare.

"Don't be a couple joined at the hip"

I believe that it is essential for every individual in a committed relationship to have their own time. Because even the most perfect relationship can crumble from the stress of doing everything together or the resentment and hatred that comes with giving up your social life in order to please your significant other. But instead, be two independent individuals that enjoy each other's company while maintaining your respective interests. 

That, to me is how a relationship will work.

Till then,
Melissa





Thursday, January 16, 2014

TEM(P)T-ING ME




I never knew my favourite Aussie brand came to Singapore. Seems like they just opened in Nov last year so im lucky i didn't missed out much! Plus they're having great discounts now so when i chanced upon the store, i grabbed a whole bunch of clothes at a steal including this ultra comfy PLAY tee.
Love it love it love it :D

The only time i can go into a clothes store and pick out 6 pieces of clothing to try and ask them when their new stocks come in on a regular basis so i can come again only happens when i go into TEMT. 

Till then,
Melissa
  





Monday, January 13, 2014

ROOM MAKEOVER - FINALLY COMPLETED!

After a solid month of weekend painting, packing and shifting, my room is completed! In an earlier post, i mentioned room inspirations and my to-do list on what i wanted to do with my room and after so much help from my uncle and family members, my new room is now bright and roomy.

Our wallpaper is 17 years old and the yellow-blue wallpaper has gotten yellow-er over the years and were peeling badly in some spots. We always shifted around our furniture to try to make the room more spacious but the old wallpaper made my room dull and our hoarding ways had us keeping a lot of junk in our room.

Here are the before pictures of my old room. 




And the wallpaper comes off!


Wallpaper removal was really easy with warm water and plenty of help with my cousins, family members and Tim. We patched up lots of nail holes in my walls and painted it a semi-glossy white-pink paint from Nippon.

At first my parents tried a different arrangement in our room but i really didn't like it and because of spacing issues, my sister's table and mine were swapped and there wasn't much leg-room for us to walk around.

The first arrangement






But since that didn't work out, i reshuffled and figured something that worked better for me (honestly my sister doesn't care about the room arrangement so it's mainly my idea) and in the end i am super happy with our bigger & brighter space!

So on to the big reveal!











And did you remember the G date that Tim and i did last Oct? 
Back then, I went out and got the black light for our Glow-in-the-Dark date so that our whole room would look cool and romantic and since i already had it, my uncle helped to drill it to our wall so that it would be a permanent fixture. 

And this is how our room looks like at night.



Putting the before and after pictures side by side so you guys can see how big a difference paint and furniture arrangement can make and also how throwing out a lot of junk can do to a room. 

Before

After

Before

After

I super love my new room and my new space and i sincerely thank my family members + uncle for helping with everything! I love seeing changes in my house and de-cluttering everything and now one room is done and the rest of the house still needs to be cleaned in time for Chinese New Year.
To more dirt and dust to come.

Till then,
Melissa


Saturday, January 11, 2014