Sunday, January 15, 2017


Almost one year later, i come back to this space to pen my thoughts again.

From 2016 to right now, the start of 2017, so many things have happened in my life. I've went through the daily grind of being a "responsible adult" and I feel like i've grown up in so many ways. And yet i can't say where exactly what is different about me so in that case, maybe i haven't grown or changed at all.

I guess this is a letter of some sorts for me to remind myself of what i've been through.

To my self:

At 25, you were obsessed for all the wrong reasons. You wanted to get married early, you wanted to buy a house and you wanted to settle down because everyone was doing the same. You thought you was so ready for that aspect of your life and you couldn't see past all the fog to look at how un-ready you actually were.  Even though your relationship was fine on the surface, you pressured too much to the point that it might have been suffocating for your other half. You wanted to settle down and get married and be a grown up and yet you didn't have the mentality of one. You had no savings, you still wanted to play too much and you just wasn't ready both financially and mentally to be in the place you desired. You were lucky enough that you had a sensible other half who was eventually able to get through to you about what you wanted and not what you thought you wanted. Despite all your fickle mindedness and impulsiveness, you were lucky not to lose him.

At 26, you took a step back and finally identified with yourself. You embarked on your first solo trip and while invigorating as that might have been, you constantly lived in the past. You had a great job, great bosses and a comfortable working environment and yet you still felt like that wasn't enough. You hovered between getting another degree to joining the army to working overseas. And while all the circumstances of each thought didn't work out for you, you sought to find new alternatives and people called you "fickle". Funny how people loved to judge you for every decision you make. And yet you've managed held your head high and continue to trudge through life. Kudos for that. You learned a new language and till date you are still doing a half-arsed job about learning and its time that you take what you are doing seriously. You went back to dance and i think it became one of the highlights during your life as a 26 year old. Sure you were decades older than all the kids in the class but you found once again the passion you had as a young adult. And even though you are still a mediocre dancer as you previously were, you are still pretty happy about dancing again.

You also start obsessing over a group of young KPOP idol boys and indulged in midnight runs of dramas. "Shame" on you :x

Now at 27 and you feel so damn old but it's about time you make some good decisions despite all the silly and bad decisions you will eventually make.The year is just starting and it holds a lot of promise for you. And while the future is relatively unknown, know that you decide your own path and you set your own pace. With that, my own advice from a 26 year old to a 27 year old is to live vicariously, constantly learn from others, stop judging, be kinder and for goodness sakes, start saving.

Till then,